Is My Mind Part of Me Or All of Me?

No, this post is not about Descartes.

I am cursed with this brilliant mind.

I know. Bear with me.

I can feel ideas bloom inside me, and they feel like watching a time-capture video of spring. I can tell when I have a really good idea because I go into a full-fledged daydream (complete with soundtrack). It's even more vivid than a flashback. And I am not talking about an idea for the premise of the next Great American Novel. I come up with more tangible ideas, which I typed out in a list below, but ended up being to self-conscious to post. Anyway, they are typically for a business or community-type idea.

So, these amazing ideas. Some of them die in my mind like a pile leaves decomposing beneath the tree that used to be their home. But some of these ideas blow away and are vetted by my emotions. The idea goes through this bizarre process where I dream about it, share snippets with my friends seeking a reaction, and then I begin to write and "sketch" about the idea. "Sketching" for me is going to a location I think is perfect, snapping photos, and drawing my idea on Adobe Illustrator. It's usually at this point that I realize my idea is DUMB. And often times, the idea really is dumb.

I tend to be perfectly content with this realization. I begin having issues when I realize I have a good idea. By the way, the filtering process above has let through maybe 5% of my ideas by this point in this non-story story. So, those five percenters become a tumor in my mind that sucks a lot of energy and focus out of my ongoing real life.

More on this later, but right now, I am ambivalent. Do I let the cancer grow and change me, or do I seek a type of meditative chemo that will contain it? I already know I cannot simply remove it with a scalpel.

Okay, fine, this post is totally inspired by Descartes.