Jul 6, 2010

Holy Barry, Mother of Goth forgive me (an open letter to barry lyga)

I have not finished a book yours, Barry. The stars have not aligned. It deeply depresses me.

I purchased The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl Friday afternoon. I devoured the first fifty pages while babysitting my four year old nephew. He asked for chocolate milk six times before I even looked at him. What? Don't judge me. I was busy LMAOing while learning The Panty Algorithm. Besides, he had Anthony Bourdain to entertain him. Don't most four year old find fishing in Tahiti interesting? So, there I was laughing and I finally got up to get the neph's chocomilk and I spill my beer. On the book. Your book. The one I had purchased hours before. If it makes any difference it was AmberBock, which is my ambrosia. I was rather distraught all around. Loss of beer + soaking brand new book + now crying child (the priority) = me picking up the child, getting another beer, then cleaning up the mess. The ordeal resulted in an extra $1.50 for you because on Saturday I had to go buy another copy.

With Friday's reading time drowned in an amber brew I decided to knock out a large chunk on Saturday, since I technically needed to be done with the book by Monday, so that this post could be written and I would officially be a part of the legion of fans that love your books. Saturday came and went. Sunday was filled with unholy swearing, but no reading and, well, Monday, our supposed holiday, was the complete opposite from festive. So alas, I have not finished a book by you. I have purchased two though! Yeah, 'it's the thought that counts' so does not work in the literary world and I clearly cannot do deadlines, but this open letter of admiration has turned into an apology.

Maybe it would have been easier to be a poser and say that I have read your books...but I think you have to be attractive to be a poser. Today (Tuesday, July 6, 2010) I am going to the beach and I am FINISHING the awesomeness that is The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl.

Barry, thanks for writing something worth the rebounding efforts! I really do love the book so far and I apologize for being a lame-ass and not having finished on time.


For those interested, My Post-Post for Anita will be Thursday.


  1. Your letter seriously just made me spew coffee out my nose. Just sayin'. Even more so, I love that you were honest and didn't try to write some sort of elegant literary letter when you hadn't even read the book! Honesty is the best policy! LOL. :)

  2. ooooo beer soaked book? Not so bueno! What a bummer J... But at least you have a shiny new copy AND you get to go to the beach!

    And what the heck do you mean you have to be attractive to be a poser? As if you're not attractive? Um, have you looked in a mirror recently?


  3. The Astonoshing Adventures of Fan Boy and Goth Girl is a very fun book. I read it on the airplane while traveling to Europe last Christmas. If it could keep me laughing during a 17 hour flight, it can certainly entertain during a summer lounging by the beach.

    Happy Reading

  4. ROFL!!!

    Every. Single. Time. I come here I fall madly in love with you Jon. Maybe we should run away together. I need you. You make me happy.

    Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy the beach and the book! My most favorite combo.

  5. I love this Jon :):) You seriously made me laugh and smile, and I needed that today. And once again the sparkle that is your talent and candor shines through in this gem of a letter. You're awesome!

  6. Awww sucks about the beer on the book. I like the honest letter, though :)

  7. During this post I laughed, I cried, and luckily had nothing to spill or I would have. Lovely post. What a lucky nephew! And I srsly mean it.

  8. Thumbs up for your honesty. Get this...your pain has made me want to pick the book up and read it myself. So go you! (Hugs)Indigo

  9. You don't want to know how many beers I've spilled on books. Yay, Thursday!

  10. I heart you. You are amazing. Beautiful inside and out. And you will love this book, by the way. Thank you for joining me in my Barry madness. We are now officially joined at the hip. Practically blood siblings.

  11. Tiffany - I hope the spewage wasn't too painful! Also, thanks for the follow, it's my first in forever!

    Sara - You are full of smiles and now I am too.

    Kate - You're funny.

    Ali - Let's runaway to New Brunswick!

    Crystal - I love the word 'candor' thanks for using it!

    Alexandra - Maybe the spilling was meant to be somehow...

    Tina - wtf did you cry?? Sillies.

    Indigo!!! - It's been awhile. I hope you enjoy the book.

    Anita - I do want to know and, more importantly, what page you were on.

    Carol - Can we go through a blood-bros ceremony when I track you down???

  12. Very funny and captivating! And yes, 4-year olds are big enough to get their own chocolate milk! :)

  13. Adding this one to my list too. And what a great idea -- writing a letter to the author. Awesome!

  14. Love this post! And have never heard of this book. So sue me. (I think commenting right after Elana has gone to my head. Imitation is the best form of flattery, right??)

    Anyway, looking forward to the actual review, and putting this book on the ever growing list...

  15. The biggest gift an author can get is to be read by Jon Arntson.

  16. Sam - Thanks for ALL the words of encouragement.

    Elana - Sara MClung and Carol Miller can be blamed for the cool idea.

    H - ha.

    Robert - Wow. That means a lot coming from someone who'll be catapulted into fame.

  17. OMG you constantly make me laugh. Damn chocomilk gets ya' every time you try to do something ;)

    I can't wait to read that one and if your books are as entertaining and well-written as your tweets and blog posts I can't wait to read those too!