I have always been in the space between cynical and overly enthusiastic. It gets me in trouble sometimes. Why can't I just chose a side? Why can't I be genuinely engrossed in every paranormal romance that comes out? It'd be even easier if I could just denounce the entire genre and hate anyone who reads it.
I wish I preferred apathy, and didn't click 'like' on every damn image that tickles/inspires/motivates/kicks me. I wish apathy didn't piss me off so much. Who the eff cares that Heidi and Seal split up? Shit. I do. Who the eff cares that a warlord is making news this week and a Western produced video on the subject has gone viral? Who the eff cares that today is International Women's Day? I effing care! I care for my future daughters. I care for my sisters and nieces. I care for my Sisters.
I care for my future sons.
In case you're keeping track, I had to search and replace four f-bombs by now. I can't very well write the way I talk, that would be a career-killer. And my minor is communications/public speaking. I'd better get a tailor-made vernacular real quick, lest I get thrown out of a high school. I mean, my blog looks like the cover of a picture book, for Pete's sake.
I am sick of feeling disingenuous. I want to write a really great freaking book and defend every f-word until I die. I want readers to defend me too. I want them to defend the book, the setting, and the characters.
I do not want to be controversial, but it's in my nature to think differently than most people. That's pretty damn obvious.
But why do I pin, tweet, and facebook like everyone else? Why do I laugh hysterically at shit like this?
Where has my integrity gone? Did I ever have any? Do WE have any left?
Crap. I am about to go all Holden Caulfield on you.
I am not real. I am a goddamn phony. Just like the rest of em.
I'm so effing convoluted.